I went to Wish last night, for the third time. This despite promising myself after both previous visits, that there was absolutely no fucking way I was going to go there again.
Wish is a lesbian club night in London, which is held monthly at a late licence bar called Gramaphone in Whoreditch. I could refer you to a previous Blog I wrote about Wish but that would be a bit embarrassing for me because I suggested that there wasn’t a cat-in-hell’s chance that I was ever going to buy into all that ‘Wishology’ – but, take a look at me now.
Thrice I’ve donned my best skinny jeans, stuck my hair (and nose) up and strutted around this ridiculously crowded prize cattle pen, of an evening, necking all manner of dirty beer-spirit-shot combinations ensuring that come 4am I head home empty of soul and full of toxins for the following day.
That said, it’s not all bad – my friends are excellent company and we all have a jolly good, if not a little cramped, experience. And the music isn’t so bad, most of the time…
I’m just cynical of lezzer clubs in general – they are invariably full of exes I don’t want to see, attitude I can fondle and the sort of music I wouldn’t even make my worst enemy listen to, if I had her looked in a small isolated, unpadded room.
The reason for this is because lesbian club nights exist for three very specific purposes, as far as I can tell:
Firstly, they enable a very specific and select group of lesbians to have a public sort of house party where they don their coolest outfits, do their craziest dances and play their hippest rekids and show everyone else just how fucking awesome they look.
Secondly, they encourage wannabe cool lesbians to gather, en masse, and do pretty much the same, without access to the iPod. At the moment, everyone looks like Agnes Deyn or Shane from L-Word, spends the whole night checking everyone else out but not talking to them and in many cases, drinks and/or snorts too much.
Thirdly, they provide a marketplace within which lesbians can competitively bid for the attentions and – if they’re really lucky – the tongues of other lesbians. It’s (literally) like Gaydar Live – 3-D eBay – in these places. Even I’ve started recognising faces -and I spend as little time as possible using web-based lesbian dating tools.
My apparent disdain probably comes from the realisation that I don’t perform well in any of the above categories, not least the latter one.